Sorting my thoughts out a little... out loud.

On the Academic Front.

GP:
Earliest paper. Did okay for the prelim papers I practiced on, so I guess things will be alright. All I have to do is be myself, singular views and all :)

Econs:
Feeling a little more secure now, as I will probably be able to finish everything I intend to study before the exams. MCQs are still a worry though. Topics to go for essay paper: International Trade, Role of Government, Theory of Distribution. Topics to go for MCQ: National Income.

Lit:
Paper 1: A little worried because I am woefully behind schedule with King Lear and Nun's Priest's Tale. One comfort is that I have six days free between Econs Essay and my lit papers, so I can brush up then, if all else fails.
Paper 4: Tutor says that all of us are overprepared for this, but somehow I don't think so. Will resist the impulse to spend time on this paper, the Gothic is a good 'filler' subject when I need a break from everything else.
Paper 8: *Sigh*. What can I say about Comment and Appreciation? My worst paper. Have consultation with Tutor tomorrow, to see what can be done in terms of essay organisation etc.

History:
Paper 5: Have chosen topics to study, finished Alexander I today, so don't feel so bad. Besides, Paper 6 skills should help here. Also, my little printed checklist has a lovely pic of Noisy from Sex Machineguns, which helps :) Caption: Time rolls on, waiting for no man. How apt!
Paper 6: Have studied virtually everything before, except bits of China and Thailand. 8 days between second last paper and Paper 6, so there's ample 'crush time' to catch up.

On the whole, situation seems optimistic. Have yet to reach desperate-fatalistic stage.... It ain't over til it's over!

Other Miscellany.

Have been writing letters to teachers, something which I have wanted to do for a long time, but never had the guts to do. What's so hard about showing your appreciation, you might ask. Well, it's hard for me, I always worry that I'll sound stupid. But right now I don't care. It's been such a hectic two years at PJC, filled with heartbreak, heartache, jubilation and exhilaration and just about every other emotion you can think of. It's been nothing like I expected it to be, and more than I ever dreamed of, at the same time.

Thank you so much, for a very precious two years. Teachers, friends, the wonderful aunty at the bookshop.... thank you.

But it's not over yet. And like all the days I've spent in PJC, I'm going to make the best of the time I have left. :) Love you all.

JC Blogs.

Misery loves company.

http://greyskies.diaryland.com
http://teribinthia.diaryland.com
http://nongenius.diaryland.com
http://bleah.diaryland.com
http://duh-knees.diaryland.com

But so does hope. :)

He

12.02 AM : Listening to Gackt, on a futile search for an e-text of Russel Ray's Sardonicus. Equilibrium has returned.

He.
More beautiful than a girl, more handsome than a guy.
He.
Wears Platinum Egoiste, and Wenn wonders what he smells like.
He.
Is what angels might sound like.
He.
Gackt.

Why, who did you think I was talking about? Him?

Please. Yesterday's news.

...

I have a drawerful of newspaper clippings. Interim state. The next time I look at them will be when I throw them away.

(Oh, and will the person who has my Forever Knight OST ($28 dollar import! Grr!) , my Sting Disc 2, piano scores and whatever that I kindly lent you please return it/them. Before you disappear from my life along with my belongings?)

All I want to do is stop.

Honestly? If I could do one thing now, that would be.....

WTF! KNS! DAMMIT, DAMMIT, DAMMIT! @#$%^&* WTF!

I honestly do not see the point. I am so sick of this. I am beginning to realise why singaporean students consider suicide a viable alternative to the next stage of education.

Considering suicide is, after all, simply acknowledging death.

What? Get through this? And have to do this ALL OVER AGAIN?

Please, someone explain the logic of this to me. Because I don't understand.

Decaff please.

*Sigh*. As if I didn't know what happens to me when I sleep late, get up early, and try to go through two consultations. And when I drink coffee. Half a bottle of 'Blendy' coffee and I'm bouncing off the walls, hyperactive, hysterical and irrational by turns. Must be a nightmare to teach.

Actually, I'm already a nightmare to teach, coffee or no. I can just read my tutor's mind: "You had two years to ask me this, and you waited til now?!" Considering the fact that I got an F for that subject in the Prelims, and that I behaved like a total nutcase this morning, I'm not surprised that he seems a little.... disturbed. Maybe he's just tired. I'm sorry. :(

I'm pretty sure of a B anyway. I won't waste all his effort....

On blogging. Ever seen something like: so-and-so caught the disco beat at 11.01pm. (1 beat caught) [denoting a comment]?
Wonder what's with that. It's pretty cool though, can you imagine: S&M Girl got spanked at 12.00pm, New Year's Day. Click here to whip me. Nice quote from Mars: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me. Can anyone say pain=pleasure? Too much Gothic. XD

Must think of one of my own (not the S&M one though, I'm just masochistic, I don't feel the need to inflict pain on others ;) Heh.)

Am blogging now because I can't stay up again tonight, and blogging just postpones my bedtime.

Full Speed Ahead!

The Final Countdown

You know it and I know it. The exams ('impending' exams, as my GP tutor says) are descending upon us all, ala some alien creatures from the Final Fantasy movie.

So I thought I might dedicate this song to everyone out there who is going through this. It seems apt. The intro, especially, that synthesized trumpet bit reminds me of going to war and, tragically, never coming back.

Having said that, I cling to the belief that there is life after the A levels. Proof of that is my sister, who is lying in bed and listening to Utada Hikaru at this very moment. But then, she has her exams to contend with. :)

The Final Countdown ~Europe

We're leaving together,
But still it's farewell
And maybe we'll come back,
To earth, who can tell?

I guess there is no one to blame
We're leaving ground
Will things ever be the same again?
It's the final countdown...

We're heading for Venus* and still we stand tall
Cause maybe they've seen us and welcome us all
With so many light years to go and things to be found
I'm sure that we'll all miss her so.

It's the Final Countdown.........

*One question: why is it Venus? why not Mars? Or the Sun? Or something?
Probably because "We're leaving for Sa-turn/Plu-to..." doesn't have quite the same ring, hmm?

Current wallpaper: Nyan Nyan Nyanko pic stolen off the San-x website. A very cute chocolate-coloured kitten sitting in a teacup, with a mound of whipped cream on its head. Teamed with a winamp skin called "spilt milk", it makes for a tasty combination :) .

I have to stop having mid-study snacks. There's life after the A levels, and prom..... but then there's also a tub of Haegen Daaz Rum & Raisin in the freezer. Which I am not going to eat. Of course.

Off to do a history essay before I sleep.

Have you seen my mind?

For a moment, I thought I'd lost it. Really. I was checking consultation times with Wenn on the phone today, and I thought today was Thursday. Which would mean that a.) we went for the wrong consultations today (strange that our tutors wouldn't notice, hmm?) b.) horror of horrors, we might be unprepared for Friday's history consultation. Immediate reaction: "what the f-?!" (not out loud, of course. I keep all this stuff in my brain, where it bounces off the inside of my skull and out... well... i don't really know where it goes). Wenn nearly went into cardiac arrest. And then, when we discovered my mistake, we burst into hysterical laughter. Like we always do :)

I always associate Wenn with Gackt's Kimi no tame ni Dekiru koto... somehow always get this image of her running around in a very green field, laughing like a maniac. :) Too much Secret Garden and too many strange dreams, hmm? Welcome to my world.

Fortunately, today is Wednesday, not Thursday.

Got all my econs notes zapped today. Am ploughing through it, though slowly. Only other event of note today was japanese designer ice-cream binge at Edo Sushi Bar today, with Ms Chong. Am so looking forward to Ben & Jerry's / Vodka party after the 'A's!

Always sleepy these days. Shall attempt new sleep patterns ie. sleep earlier and wake up earlier to study. Yes. Must press on.

Are the stars shining on me today?

Well... this is what Astrocenter says anyway:

Things will improve even more for you on October 22, since this is the day that your planetary ruler, Mercury, stations and moves direct again. Finally things will get back on track in your world of communication. You will find the library card that has been missing for the past three weeks, and your answering machine will start working again.

More wonderful energy comes your way on October 27, when Mars, the ruler of action, war, and sex drive, moves into the fixed air sign of Aquarius. Note that this transit, which will last through the end of the month and all through November, will grant you a great deal of physical energy and confidence, thanks to the fact that Mars will make an exact trine with your Natal Sun. This is a great time to step up your exercise regimen and get out for a walk every night after dinner. Your energy will be so strong during this period that you may feel like you can move mountains. You can!

Hmm. Honestly, I could do with that energy because my exam-panic-response syndrome has just kicked in. It's a period of time before the exams during which everything makes much more sense than it usually does, and gets absorbed too. Panic, see?

My wonderful sister managed to find someone who was willing to lend me Econs notes, to replace my woefully inadequate and/or missing set. Fantastic. I have now discovered that my college is a true believer in 'independant learning' because all other colleges seem to be taking the cheap ie. smart way, by spoonfeeding their students. Not that my college's approach is bad. It's just not as effective with distracted procrastinators like me. :)

So. I am, in effect, re-studying my entire syllabus. Can I do it in two weeks? Answer is: I will do it even if it kills me.

Two weeks more. As usual, I am finding solace in other people's diaries.

Breathe in, breathe out. Repeat after me: Doing what man can do is heaven's will. Doing what man can do is heaven's will.

(And yes, I have gotten over the whole moping thing already. I gave myself one night to listen to soppy, sentimental chinese love songs(oh yeah, Fei Xiang's gooood for that) and allow all those repressed, unwanted feelings to come to the surface. Back to normal now. I even rewarded myself for a hard day's work with milk and a cookie. Thanks Tress :) )

Massive irritation and hope for the future.

Wow, three times in a day.

I am so bloody irritated with myself. Was talking to tress just now on the net, and I was just thinking: Why the hell am I such a wimp, and why can't I get myself under control? And I realised that I have consumed half a chocolate bar (the other half went to my sis), two sweets, and one cookie, all of them extremely calorific. All out of frustration.

I can't tell him, not now. I won't even consider it. So I shall just brace myself and stumble on, miserable and alone.

Total work done today: Mashed Demand and Supply firmly into my brain. Did half an econs essay. #$%^& unproductive.

Wondering if it would be a good idea to go for a swim or to the gym, but therer is a group of kids playing water polo in the pool, and the cycling machine in the gym is out-of-order. Bummer, because a good cycle might help me release some of this pent-up agitation. Maybe gym first, then swim?

What Life Is: You are born. You suffer. A lot. And then you die.

What Life Is.

You are born. You grow old. You get sick. You die.

Or, simplified: You are born. And then you die.

Loose ends and loose beginnings

Having been caught up in a major mopefest this weekend, I have forgotten to note down a couple of things that I wanted to.

One:
Did not go for Open House, feel extraordinarily bad because I have been spending most of my spare time in the SC room saying not very nice things to my juniors. Also because Pin Yiing (did I spell that right?) spent a great deal of time and SMS-es trying to persuade me to go. However I wish to clarify that I did really want to go, just that my parents didn't like the idea, and I, for once, agreed with them that there were more important things to do. *Sigh*.

Two:
Though Saturday was not a productive day in terms of Work and/or Social Life, I did go to Tangs on Sat. night with my parents, and found a pair of shoes to go with my prom dress. Very high. And very Red. With little metal bits on it. Very nice, but I'm now wondering how on earth I'm going to walk in them.

Three:
Went for fries with Ms Chong last Friday (actually apple pie for me, but nvm). Shall implement her strategy of doing essays in the afternoon so that I will not fall asleep like I always do, and end up staying up til 3 AM with Wenn to compensate. Also found out thatI am not the only one who believes that FHM and all males who champion its cause should be annihilated. You mean it's okay for a magazine (ie. FHM) to tell readers "How to get her to give you -insert sexual favour of choice-", but it's morally wrong and socially unacceptable for another (ie. Cosmopolitan) to tell readers "How to have great sex." (which is, incidentally, a totally natural impulse)? What kind of fuzzy logic is that?!

Four:
Have come to the conclusion that I am masochistic for watching a TV series that causes me so much pain. Or perhaps it's a case of the 'unpleasurable becoming pleasurable'. Geez.

Five
An example of stream-of-consciousness writing if I ever saw one. Makes me kinda glad that I still type in full sentences no matter how depressed and terrible I feel. Even if no one reads my blog anyway. This link was the result of searching 'Pioneer Junior College blog' on Google. To think I was considering starting a PJC blog clique. Why is it that those people who might create the most fascinating blogs, don't blog? Come on, you would-be poets and writers (ie. those of you who have been published, ya?). You know you want to.

Last of all: I think this blog is too much of a cathartic release for me. So much so that I don't have anything to release during PC papers. Look at me, angsting in public when I could be angsting in front of a Cambridge examiner and earning marks for it.....

The Black Hole, Or, The Blogger Ate My Entries...

Hmm. Discovered that Blogger seems to have lost my first couple of entries. Nevermind, it's not as if anyone is really reading this blog anyway.

Yes, I am really feeling like I've been sucked into a Black Hole of some kind, for the last couple of days.

Ever since that dream. Bits and pieces of things past are coming back to haunt me again. Now of all times. I was watching a taped episode of Itazura na Kiss today (an extremely sweet-and-painful japanese drama to watch, for me at least.), which brought up a whole host of rather painful memories, which obviously have been unsuccessfully repressed.

It does not help that our friend Takashi Kawabara looks so much like a certain person, at least from certain angles. Which makes watching the show even more painful for me, because, if not for my total lack of courage and general wimpiness, I could be in exactly the same position as Kotoko (and not as pretty and adorable to boot.)

I should have known.

Mars: Are you sure you don't like him anymore?
Me: No, not really.
Mars: Not really? Umm... that doesn't sound too convincing.

Damned if I have to have him popping up in my dreams. Even if he's just standing there, not doing a thing. Dammit, dammit, dammit. I feel utterly wretched.

And I have other, infinitely more important things to think about. Focus, girl, FOCUS!

On a faintly more optimistic note, I finished a chapter of Econs today, in between brewing tea and skulking around, trying to distract myself from moping.

Choose your four-letter word

Mine is dang. Or phew, as in: Phew! One very looong day of consultations.

Pretty productive day, but accidentally left Econs TYS at the bus stop. Strangely enough, none of the ten or so people there bothered to tell me. Oh well, I have only myself to blame, in any case we've gone through most of the questions in class. And I shall take it as a sign that it's better for me to switch to past year papers instead. Which is probably a good idea.

Good ideas don't stop me from getting this little, nagging, sick feeling in the pit of my stomach though. I feel bad about losing it, I don't know why. :(

Why oh why must things happen to upset my equilibrium, just when I've got it back?

"Doing what man can do is heaven's will." ~ Tariki.

And then some....

Still have not told anyone about this blog. Wondering if I should. Seriously wondering if I'm ready to take that step.

Song of the Moment: Endless Rain by Yoshiki.

Oh yes... Mars, I intended to tell you about that dream, but it kinda slipped my mind... :) TTYL

In the arms of an Angel

I had a rather odd dream last night. But nice. I kept trying to fall asleep again so it could continue, but I couldn't. I've told the dream to whoever I've wanted to tell it to, so what's left are some random bits and pieces that sum it up for me.

"Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like "maybe we should just be friends" or "how very perceptive" turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart." ~Rose Walker to Desire, The Sandman series

"Although you love someone, you should not expect to be loved in return. Aren't love, kindness, and the works of Good Samaritans actually completely selfless acts? When you have realised selflessness, a new awareness is born in you." ~ Hiroyuki Itsuki, in Tariki

"tatoe donna ni kizutsuite mo
dore dake kizutsuku koto ni natte mo
dare ni mo boku wa tomerarenai

And no matter how much I’ve been hurt
And what became the thing that hurts me
I can’t stop for anyone

wazuka na hikari o mitsukereba ii
ima wa taiyou ga agarenakute mo
'furidashita ame wa itsuka yamu n da ne...'

It's fine if I only find a little bit of light
Even if today’s sun doesn’t rise
'The falling rain will someday cease, won’t it…'

'sou sa, kono ame wa itsuka yamu n da ne...'

'That’s right, this rain will someday cease, won’t it...' " ~dears by Gackt

(And no, Shak, I don't accept your interpretation. How can you even suggest it?)

Malnourished Fish

We bought two little koi the other day, one gold with black specks and one silver. The silver one answers to the name Greg, and the gold one, well, doesn't answer to anything at all, even though it's supposed to be called 'Dharma'.

Strange creatures, fish. At first both answered to the name Dharma, leading us to wonder if it was possible for fish to be buddhist (hey, you never know). Maybe our hands smelt of koi food. We attempted to call the silver one Karma to match, but it didn't like it much.

Anyway. It's been approximately 1.5 weeks since we lowered them into the water-feature-pond thing downstairs, in a plastic bag. Greg's been very frisky, and seems to have doubled in size.... Dharma's malnourished.

You see, she's (he? it?) shy, she always hides in the corner while all the other big fish eat all the food. Have resorted to the diversionary tactic of throwing some food into the opposite side of the pond, and then coaxing Dharma out of the depths to get some lunch. It's not working - the big fish are getting smarter.

How?

Strangely I find myself being more worried about the fish than my impending A levels. Maybe it's the fact that my studying has gone relatively well today. *grin*

Will be going out for vegetarian macrobiotic food later.... mmm...... Muz finish French Revolution before I leave....

Of Phones and Despair and the French Revolution

My fair coz over at musings won the Alcatel 511 which I have been waiting for, with bated breath and twitchy feet and so on. Am currently trying to persuade her that, yes, the best option is to sell it, and the best person to sell it to is me. Polyphonic ringtones and (finally) a silent mode with vibrate function! And Alcatel too! Last I checked, my trusty one-touch easy db was the oldest model shown on the website. *sob* no vibrate function (so whenever I'm in the library I am virtually unreachable, as my dad can testify), no customisable ringtones (hence have been using cheesy 'speed' ringtone that is instantly recognisable.... not a bad thing really.), and in addition to the fact that it is too clunky to carry around along with wallet if I don't want to carry a bag of some sort. Very troublesome. Alcatel 511.... will you ever be mine?

Having finished my book and 'embraced despair', I'm feeling better than I have for a long time. Am planning to buy several copies once the paperback version is out, for friends....

Of Books, Spex and Teapots.

Afternoon. Am feeling sleepy, should really be starting work but mind is swirling with all manner of unrelated thoughts. Realised that I forgot to hand in two essays that I so painstakingly wrote yesterday (staying up til one in the morning).

Me and Dad went to town to collect my spex today (had another pair made because my astigmatism has actually gone down and because I'm afraid that something will happen to my existing pair just before the exams.) At the same time, I stopped by at the Kinokuniya main store to get this book I've had my eye on for quite some time. Read half of it at the spex shop, a quarter in the car and the rest of it when I got home, while listening to the Raphael compilation that Wenn lent me. Hmm.... embracing despair, discovering peace? Very enticing and makes alot of sense to me. No, I'm not depressed or weird or anything (Then again....). I'm actually a very happy person at this point in time. Read more about it here.

Teapots. The whole shenanigan with teapots started when my parents when to this Corningware sale and bought these two absolutely beautiful teapots. Ones got a thingy in the cover that strains the rosebuds or whatnot out of your herb tea, and the other has a built in strainer for tea leaves. Very nifty. When I quizzed Jenni about her tea-drinking habits to ascertain whether she needed one, I learnt that apparently the whole world knows about this kind of teapot, and no, she doesn't need one because she has three at home already. Sniff. Fine, so I've been hiding under a rock for the past 18 years.

Wenn was laughing her head off when I told her about the teapot, and even after I gave her and Juan one each, she still finds it funny. Okay, okay, enough already... I get the point. Just think of me whenever you brew tea okay?

I've got another CD to listen to, Wenn also lent me Gauze by Dir en Gray.... am looking forward to it since I've been listening to the same few anime tune CDs for a reeeaaally long time, and the perkiness is starting to grate on my nerves.

History or Econs? Econs or History? Which should I do first?

A glimpse of the soul.

It's 2 am in the morning. I've just typed two pages of French Revolution notes, and I'm wondering whether keeping a blog is a wise thing. Imagine being able to see into someone's mind. To peek at their most private moments, their secret joys and fears and desires. Imagine.... if a teacher or an enemy saw your blog, and knew all these little things about you. What drives you. What passions swirl under that oh-so-decieving surface.

I'm (secretly) a very private person... Do you know me? Or do you not? Come on, even my own parents know less about me than they'd like to, what makes you think that you know more than what they've gleaned from 18 years of living with me? Sure, I talk alot but I don't really say much at all. Then again, I have a blog, which (til now) I have told no one about, not even my closest friends. Myabe I'm just a closet exhibitionist.

Guess what you can find out from blogs? I have a cousin I've spoken barely 5 sentences to in the past year. We're not close. I now know her favourite colour, her current favourite piece of clothing, what bubble tea outlet she frequents (on each of the seven days of the week) and also that she's getting married (Whoo hoo! Another wedding reception to shop for clothes for. why is the whole dang world getting married?!). I also know what another cousin ate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner today (she keeps a food log ;)) Amazing.

How terribly refreshing. We spend our lives trying to show just one side of ourselves to different groups of people, and then we go home and share our innermost thoughts with strangers. And when I try to show someone I love (or at least I thought I did) what I'm like way deep down inside, I get the door slammed in my face. Talk to the hand 'cos I don't wanna know! You know who you are. Then again, maybe not. You know what? It's entirely my choice what I want to do... if I want to eat nothing but sushi, if I don't listen to the same alternative bands or wear the same nondescript clothing as you do, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I don't fit into your mold of what's normal. I'm so, so sorry we grew apart and you can't accept all of me, even the parts you don't understand. Not.

I don't need to apologise for what I am. For goodness sake, widen your horizons a little. Get out of that tiny circle you're trapped in. It's a big, mean world out there, and acting like you're still twelve and I'm still twelve doesn't cut it anymore.

For those who do understand, I'm really grateful. I've decided to cosplay after all.... Like you said, Jenni, I'd better do it now before I get too old, and, well, too - dare I say it? - normal. And Wenn, I'm so happy that you're around (Sounds terrible... oh dear... I don't mean it in the wrong way.)

Good night.

Bubble Tea flavour of the moment: Apple Vinegar from Happy Cup (thanx Pin Yiing.... yes, it's an acquired taste ^^;)

Song of the Moment: Kimi no Tame ni Dekiru koto by Gackt. Even if I can only listen on it on my PC. (thanx Wenn... for dragging me down into this deep dark pit of J-rock from which I can never esape @_@)

Feeling pretty stoned at the moment. Desperately trying to maintain positive attitude.

*Production and Costs* What the hell is Minimum Efficient Scale?
Must go bug my econs tutor again.....

I hate my layout! *wails* Not meaning to insult the person who did it, of course. It might work just fine for someone else but.... but..... I don't like it!

Things to do when I pass from this stage of my life to the next:
1. Tidy my room. It needs a mini makeover, since right now it consists of a clashing combi of clear/orange plastic containers, green/silver shelves, and various other colours.(oh how I hate that orange container. I moved to a new house and I'm still not free of it.)
2. Tidy my blog New layout! Yes! New layout!
3. Tidy my wardrobe. In preparation for days with no uniforms. I'm really going to miss them though.
More later.

When you know that you've spent too much time online:
When.... you finish writing an essay you're particularly proud of (with pen and paper) and you think to yourself, "I'd better save this, I don't want to lose it if the computer hangs."

I frankly don't know what's worse, losing a file in a sea of bits or bytes or losing a piece of paper in the sea of notes that is my bedroom right now....

Today's Special....

It's one of those cold, gray days again, which freeze your toes when you're trying to take a nap.

Had a fantastic lunch of wonton mee, salmon sashimi and supermarket sushi. Even if my parents decided to buy the mee from a different stall today, the sashimi was cut from a hunk of salmon tail (ie. not the right part, and probably not the right way either) and the sushi was quite substandard. I've been craving for sushi ever since seeing that sushi special on JETTV. Will probably go to Edo sushi or some joint like that for another fix next week.

Warning: Don't ever try to eat the little free packets of wasabi that come with supermarket sushi. They have this chemical-y taste that really ruins whatever you eat. I'm open to other uses for the stuff though.... can you see it? The WASABI of INFAMY! Send it to all your ENEMIES!!!!!

Filled with an overwhelming obligation to study, but also an overwhelming desire to blog.

Realised with horror some days ago that I might not have time to go over everything for my exams as well as I would like. Understatement of the century: I don't have much time..... The past couple days of revision have been going quite well though, so I don't feel as bad.

Arrggh. I'm not cut out for regular blogging. I just intend to do it, and whaddaya know, a week's gone by and I haven't done it.

Hmm. All results are back. Can't say that I'm very happy about them, but they are an improvement from the last common test, so who am I to complain?

I feel so bad. I can't help it! I just feel the need to prance around and revel in the fact that I actually achieved something this time! After 17 years of under-performance, but now I finally get down to work. Can't I celebrate a little? Yay! Now back to the program.

My hunch about the meaning behind my strange dream was right after all. I dreamt that my Econs tutor was preparing us for some competition, and that after it was over, he said he never wanted to speak to us again. Must be some subconscious fear about doing badly in Econs again. (I did.) And he's such a nice guy.

And yes, I do realise that I am just procrastinating now, but I'm going offline soon anyway (if there can be such a thing with a 24 hours online cable modem. Oh well.)